Bluetit forced to prove identity before being allowed to nest in bird box


A bluetit has been forced to provide a wide range of fraud prevention documents proving his identity before being allowed to move into a bird box. ‘I can’t believe it,’ tweeted Harry Fluttercap from Cheshire. ‘I had to dig up a very specific selection of papers and get them notarised at my own expense. So that meant finding a solicitor, who charged me a nuts amount because it all had to be done in her presence. I’m not even sure it’s the right bird box for my family, but I had to do it anyway to even start the process of registering interest.’

‘What really gets me in a flap, is that we’ve all got to do this now. It’s because of those bloody cuckoos who have been stealing the nests of others and getting away with it like they’re the lords of the manor. They never pay their taxes, and they squirrel all of their ill gotten gains offshore. It’s the actions of those few which make us all have to jump through these ridiculous hoops and pull matchsticks out of bird feeders. I’m sick of it.’

‘It’s not a left wing or right wing issue, it’s that we used to be presumed innocent. I’ve kept my pecker clean my whole life. Now everyone is treated like we’re all criminals, and those bastard cuckoos are still getting away with it. They’ve all moved on to their next big scam anyway, and we’re left with these ludicrous laws we have to abide by. Just target and go after them, rather than this pointless, lazy shotgun approach which brings us all down and doesn’t prevent anything. We are literally paying for their crimes. Abolish these outrageous laws immediately. It’s flocking ridiculous.’

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Posted: Apr 14th, 2021 by

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