A man has been left in a complete state of shock after learning his TV can’t hear him no matter how loudly he shouts at it. Carl had been a life long fan of yelling at the TV during sporting events until he received a crushing blow last weekend.
“I got it from my dad originally’, explained Carl. “He was a massive TV-yeller. During the 1994 world cup my mum actually left him because he was so loud. But at the time I thought it was worth it because at least he had single handedly won the England Belgium game for us with all his shouting.”
“It made sense I would carry on the tradition and give the lads some loud ongoing advice to ensure they did their best”, continued Carl. “Before I knew it I was having a good old shout at the TV any time any football was on. I thought of it as a public service. It was only when my wife casually commented last Saturday that ‘it can’t hear you you know, no matter how loud you shout’, that I stopped and thought, what the hell?”
Carl has since spiralled into a state of despair. “Everything I thought I knew was gone. My role as football coach in chief was an illusion. If they can’t hear me after all, what’s the point? I tried still shouting out “PASS” and “WHAT THE F*CK WAS THAT?” and “SHOOT” but it just wasn’t the same anymore. But then I had a brilliant idea. I would just call in to all those football phone ins and tell the players and managers EXACTLY what they were doing wrong. I usually shout that advice to demonstrate my incredible knowledge and insight. I’m in no doubt they are hugely grateful.”