Britain is set to soar ahead of its industrial competitors with its new slimmed-down six-day week, after research shows 80 per cent of absenteeism and work accidents happen on Mondays.
‘This is the shot in the arm the economy needs’, says government policy guru Rick Derbton, who thought up the idea. ‘While Hans and Pierre are still sleeping off their Monday hangovers, the British worker will already be on his Tuesday lunchbreak’.
He says Monday is in fact an artificial day that has no historical foundation. ‘There’s no record of it before 1500 AD’, he claims. ‘We believe it was invented by mediaeval calendar-makers’ guilds to create more work by padding out the week with a make-believe day, an early example of malign trade union meddling’.