ROME LATEST: Emperor found stabbed in ditch – centurions question Dominicus

The Idiot

Emperor Imbecilicus Maximus has been found in a ditch this morning with serious stab wounds. A well known traitor has been arrested as part of an ongoing centurion investigation.

The investigation was initially hampered by a lack of mobile phones, any sort of motorised transport and a complete inability to take DNA samples at the scene, mainly due to historical reasons.

Vastly popular senate orator Rattus Govicus said, ‘I’ve feared an attack of this kind for some time and even paid for some of the knives to be sharpened myself.’

‘The Emperor refuses to go about the place with any personal protective clothing such as body armour, and he’s been told countless times about the importance of shielding. Without taking the necessary precautions, he can leave himself vulnerable to a strategic thrust or two in the back.’

Centurions believe that Dominicus’ motive for the crime was disgruntlement at being thrown to the lions armed with only a cardboard box to defend himself. Centurion Chief Investigator Dickus Cresiddea suggested that the notorious villain Brexitus Calamitous might have something to do with it and would be taken in for questioning.

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Posted: Apr 28th, 2021 by

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