Prime Minister of India Narendra Modi has rejected the UK’s generous aid offer of millions of NHS claps for carers. The applause had been mothballed in a warehouse facility in Clapham South London for around 12 months, after people grew tired of being forced out of their homes at gunpoint and preferred to watch box sets of Gogglebox rather than banging saucepans and generally clapping people they can’t see.
A spokesman for a Mr Modi said, ‘While we welcome claps for our brave health workers from the international community, a shitload of second-hand claps from Boris and Hancock is an insult to our intelligence. Thanks to the evil machinations of the corrupt British Empire, most of the claps are long past their sell by date and do not meet safety standards, even the few we have in India. And some of the people you were clapping for were Muslims.’