12.8 million people were all in a dream Cressida Dick had the other night. The past nine years of the BBC drama Line of Duty was just a nightmarish sleep story entirely in the mind of the Metropolitan Police Commissioner, it has emerged. Waking up this morning to Priti Patel slipping out of the shower in a towel way too small, Dick was certain that it had all actually happened. It felt so real, but she had just dreamt the whole thing.
Anyone who thinks they have seen all of Line of Duty are just fragments of Dick’s Rapid Eye Movement state, and they need to contact the Sandman Administration Services urgently. What is more pressing for everyone else in reality, however, is that Dick has woken up to the horrific reality of a devastatingly corrupt Met, with no Ted Hastings to ferret out the wrong ‘uns.