Multi-billionaire couple, Bill and Melinda Gates, are set to split, with a much anticipated custody battle over who gets the GDP equivalent of Western Europe. So wealthy are the couple that they can afford to divide their assets and still have enough left over to buy the Moon, then have it hollowed out and filled with cream cheese. Lawyers anticipate the main conflict being over who does not get ownership of Windows Altavista
Recently the Gates have been involved with global disease prevention, meaning Melinda gets to keep the cure for Covid and Bill gets to keep his secret cure for baldness. She will also get half of everyone’s data, your sort code, your Pornhub search history and any password involving the name of a beloved pet. Meanwhile, Bill retains custody of Clippy the Paperclip. He will still be allowed to visit his billions but only on weekends.