Without coffee shops, the UK rediscovers how to drink coffee quickly


As cafes, bars and restaurants remain closed across the UK, in order to reduce the spread of Coronavirus, one budding screenwriter, now forced into working from home, has rediscovered the joys of drinking a cup of coffee in ten minutes.   Previously Colin Collinson (54) has been known to make a skinny latte with vanilla shot, last over three hours whilst benefitting from the warm, hospitality and free electricity at “Mocha My Day” – Hampshire’s only Clint Eastwood themed coffee shop – while he pens one of his many uncompleted screenplays, since being made redundant.

‘I’d almost forgotten what hot coffee tasted like’, Mr Collinson described.  ‘It was difficult at first to get the drinking time down to under one hour, but by the end of the weekend I was hitting the fifteen-minute mark regularly.’  Mr Collinson then went onto describe how instead of drinking two cups of highly overpriced caffeine a day, he is now drinking at least a dozen coffees, but the former IT Programmer has designed a spreadsheet that factors in his increased energy consumption and broadband usage, to ensure he is not out of pocket.

‘The heating was the worst aspect of my increased costs’, the budding writer explained.  ‘But I found wearing four jumpers, thermal underwear and a woolly hat, simulated the hot stuffy atmosphere of the café perfectly, whilst the continuing rejection by the family dog is an ideal replacement for the disdain I used to get from the baristas’.

Colin is looking forward to missing all the deadlines for various sitcom script competitions for the fifth year running, whilst he aims to get his Twitter followers into the 130s following an extensive period of playing hashtag games.

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Posted: May 4th, 2021 by

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