Parties vow to be more ‘doorsteppy’


Politicians expressing disappointment at the discrepancy between what voters told them ‘on the doorstep’ and how they voted at the polls have been proposing ways to fix the problem, including introducing voting on doorsteps.

Physicists have called this phenomena Shrodinger’s Doorstep – the unique ability for persons, while standing on a doorstep, to express opinions entirely contradictory to those later expressed in a polling booth.

Keith Starmer has apologised to supporters for the election results but heralded his success in the ‘true’ election based on polls taken on doorsteps, porches, front gardens and pavements. The party is now drafting a new policy of transforming polling booths into mock doorsteps, complete with welcome mat and pile of unwanted pizza delivery leaflets, a system supporters have dubbed ‘first next to the post’. However, the inclusion or size of catflap remains uncertain.

One supporter of such electoral reforms told us: ‘The veracity of politicians proves that people’s opinions on doorsteps are indeed entirely different from those in voting booths. People in rural areas are more at risk of this affect as the journey from door to polling station is inexorably longer, allowing more time for them to turn more right wing on their journey. As for people on houseboats or tents, we don’t stand a chance.’

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Posted: May 10th, 2021 by

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