Google now referring to itself in the fourth person

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In a move to raise the uber-organisation to a level even further above everyone and everything else, Google is now exclusively referring to itself in the fourth person. The fourth person is partly a combination of 1s and 0s, a vast array of self-improving algorithms, some wanky breakout rooms, and a whole heap of tax avoidance all rolled into ‘one‘.

All the flashy lights and jauntily coloured office spaces hide the fact that everything Google does requires no more than the random movement of baby sick in a fridge-sized zero gravity chamber. There is no purpose, or strategy, or general concept, or ultimate goal. Although this may seem like a terrible idea, it has two main advantages.

One: all competitors, strategic thinkers, dark entities, and dedicated anarchists will never be able to anticipate the next move Google will make, or ever work out how to beat it or take it down.

And, two: Google AdSense.

Any Google employees you may meet from time to time are merely paid advocates for the most powerful entity on the planet. However mind-meltingly impressive sounding their job title might appear, Googlists have no other purpose than to throw everyone off the scent that their employer does not require any human input to function. The general public are urged to be delicate, as Google employees do not yet realise this themselves.

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Posted: May 11th, 2021 by

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