In a surprise move, beyond actually making a decision, Labour Leader and man at C&A Keir Starmer has announced that perennial actor Angela Lansbury has been appointed as Shadow to the Duchy of Lancaster.
“It’s a great coup for Labour,” said party spokesperson Cabot Cove today. “Dame Angela has, for years, solved murders as Jessica Fletcher in Murder She Wrote. Only someone with her sleuthing abilities could clear up the absolute carnage we’re unpicking after the local elections. We also hope that by making her shadow Michael Gove, she can challenge him on any policy decisions by singing ‘Be Our Guest’ from Beauty and the Beast as that’s been what we’ve said to policy votes in Westminster for the last year.”
When asked why a 95-year old actress had been given the role, Ms Cove replied, “Well, it’s, it’s, honestly it’s a cock-up. Keir had forgotten Angela Rayner was in the party and when his team suggested ‘Angela for Duchy of Lancaster’ Keir started talking about Bedknobs and Broomsticks and whether we could animate suits of armour to get them to vote Labour next time. We just decided to run with it.”