The Prime Minister has signalled a return to normal extramarital relations, allowing an easing of lockdown, instructing parents to no longer ‘lock up their daughters’. He would be personally hugging every voter, particularly those with breasts.
His spokeswoman explained to younger viewers: ‘When a Prime Minister and a Lobbyist love each other, very much, they share a special hug. The PM lies on top of the woman, then lies to his wife and lies to the media’.
There would be a tentative return to unwelcome shoulder rubs, pinching of bottoms and the obligatory chasing around the garden. He was hoping to extend hugs to the over-60s but said his main priority was those under 21.
He explained that there would be no need for extra-protection, as he had the snip years ago – ‘honest’. The spokeswoman reiterated that Boris would be offering hugs aplenty but no subsequent child support.