At an adult-rated Press Conference today, Donald Trump’s penis has announced his intention of running for the 2024 Republican presidential candidacy.
The diminutive but charismatic member who rose to prominence – or, rather, didn’t – in the Stormy Daniels affair has now declared his political ambitions and thrown his somewhat sticky hat into the ring.
The campaign will run under the twin banners of “putting the dick back into predicament” and “vote for the liberty bell-end” : great emphasis is being placed on personal interaction and the need to “press the palm” with the party faithful whilst on the nomination trail, no matter how much they resist.
It is understood that Donald Trump’s hair will be asked to perform merkin duties for these public appearances. ‘Wee Donny’ then ended the announcement by quipping about the need to get a ‘fun guy’ back in the White House.
Senior Republicans are somewhat non-committal about this announcement, but privately admit that being led by an actual knob does seem to be the next logical step for the party.