Second wave of Dominic Cummings tweets ‘inevitable’, sources confirm

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The country is facing a devastating second wave of tweets from former government advisor, Dominic Cummings, sources have confirmed.

As a thread from Cummings about the government strategy over the pandemic reached 64 tweets yesterday, with no sign of relenting, experts warned that after his appearance at a government inquiry this week further spikes ‘were not a probability but a certainty’.

‘The first wave of his tweets, covering the initial government response to the pandemic caused many people to experience rapidly rising temperatures, headaches and outbursts of anger’, said one expert.’

The public have also been warned to be on their guard for deadly pun-heavy newspaper headlines which are now spreading like wildfire, with ‘Domageddon’, ‘the Sword of Domocles’ and ‘nuclear Dom’ variants already becoming dominant in some tabloids.

‘Reading any further tweets over the coming days will be accompanied by the onset of more severe symptoms’, the expert warned. ‘Watch out for loss of speech and spontaneous jaw drops at the rank incompetence of Johnson, the cabinet and Cummings himself’.

A government spokesperson said “We’re aiming for herd immunity. In that you’ve heard so much from him that you just stop listening.”

Hat-tip james_doc

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Posted: May 27th, 2021 by

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