Britain’s newest TV news channel, GB News, has announced that it will only be covering British weather, adding those seeking to find out what’s happening on the Costas will have to look elsewhere.
A channel spokesman said: ‘Why would anyone want to go abroad when there are sometimes as many as two days a year when our weather comes vaguely close to that of Marbella and all those other so-called holiday hot spots?’
‘Britain’s got it all here on our doorstep. Rain, hail, wind, fog and mist; with the mercury often rising as high as 9 degrees Celsius in July and August. Add our shabby seaside resorts into the heady mix, with games arcades and mutant flocks of dive-bombing seagulls nicking greasy fish and chips and burgers left right and centre, then what more could anyone want?’
‘We won’t glamourise European holiday destinations. Why give your hard-earned cash to the Spanish, Portuguese, Greeks or other foreigners? GB News says spend it here and keep our grim, tawdry and rundown resorts flourishing, and in the state of grubby squalour that makes us the talk of the world.’
‘So if you want to know what the weather’s doing in foreign climes, then you should watch an actual real TV station… err… no… wait a minute… can you cut that bit please?