One of the worlds most popular Spanish speaking countries, Spain, has been forced to cancel one of its most lucrative and popular sporting events, due to covid reasons.
‘We need the imbecilic English to come back in their self-destructive droves’, said Alberto De Cosa, Assistant Manager at the main hosting stadium, the prestigious half-star Golden Palm hotel, next to the recycling incinerator plant in Marbella.’
‘There is a smattering of French, Italian and German contestants here, but a tournament without the current world champions is a bit pointless.’
Darren Fincher, the UK’s No.1, who took over from his brother Reggie following a dramatic pool miss incident last year, said he was absolutely gutted.
‘I’m absolutely gutted,’ said Darren. I’ve perfected the fifth-floor plunge into the main WC shaped swimming pool. So I was hoping to go one better with a sixth-floor triple somersault and synchronised belly flop through the glass roof of the restaurant and into a bucket of cold sick left over from the afternoon buffet.’
A spokesperson for UK sport said the government regretted imposing travel restrictions, even to this sporting event. ‘We deeply regret stopping people attending a world-renowned event which basically has no health and no safety. We completely understand that this makes it a popular event for elite English athletes. However, we’ve followed the science as always and concluded that balcony jumping is slightly more risky than the Covid Delta variant.