Emma Raducanu’s success ‘all down to Piers Morgan’

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Good Morning Britain’s former gammon-in-chief Piers Morgan has taken full credit for teenage tennis sensation Emma Raducanu’s stellar performances at the US Open in New York, despite making a string of derogatory remarks after she retired at Wimbledon with breathing difficulties.

A spokesman clarified ‘Piers was happy to mansplain tennis, sports psychology and athleticism to Emma and now look at her. It’s only women’s sport, which Piers says is scientifically not as good as men’s, but he’s always happy to watch short-skirted teenage girls sweating, screaming and grunting.’

A former GMB insider commented ‘Ironically, Piers used to get breathing difficulties every time he pretended to storm off the GMB set. He wouldn’t come back on immediately because he needed a sit down and a biscuit.’ Raducanu’s coach unofficially confirmed that his last piece of advice before the qualifying rounds started was about Morgan. To be precise, he said she should imagine the tennis ball was Morgan’s face.

Born in Canada to Romanian and Chinese parents, Raducanu has lived in the UK since she was two years old, presenting traditional tennis-loving racists with a dilemma. Two Daily Express headlines have been prepared for the morning after the final depending on the result: ‘Queen Emma takes New York – how Meghan tried to stop nation’s sweetheart’s triumph’ and ‘Did taxpayers fund teenage immigrant’s New York tennis-losing jaunt?’

A Daily Telegraph photographer sleazed ‘Never mind where she’s from. She’s 18, just done her A-levels, she’s wearing a tiny skirt and she jumps a lot. Jackpot.’

 

 

Image:  Ichigo121212/Pixabay

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Posted: Sep 11th, 2021 by

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