A 37 year-old Gosport man, who appeared in court on charges of outraging public decency, sexual assault and animal cruelty, has blamed his ‘regrettable’ behaviour on the volatility of global finance as a result of China’s financial instability.
Michael Bruntwhich was arrested last week after visitors at Pooley Brook Farm Park reported suspicious behaviour in the petting zoo section. ‘He was bending over the poor animal, muttering something about the Shanghai Composite,’ said one witness. ‘People started yelling and some of the dads tried to pull him off, but he refused to let go of the horns until the Chinese Government dropped it’s unrealistic economic growth targets or something – it was all a bit complicated to be honest.’
News In Brief
Pinocchio has publicly outed Alice in Wonderland as a ‘fantasy creation’, in a move which has fuelled bitter arguments in the Land of Magic.
Schoolchildren from a South London primary school have entered the county of Wiltshire, and are heading toward Stonehenge, according to reports.
Officials from the Weston-Super-Mare tourist board have advised visitors heading to the town that Banksy’s dystopian nightmare bemusement park does not start ‘as soon as you leave Junction 21 on the M5 motorway’.