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Mike and Bernie Winters Wonderland closes after one day

There's no business like Snorbitzness...The barriers have come down on the much hyped Mike and Bernie Winters Wonderland following a rash of complaints from disgruntled visitors.

Angry customers harangued the park’s beleaguered management to complain about poor quality jokes, lacklustre song and dance routines and groups of St Bernard’s standing around swearing loudly and smoking behind their kennels.

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‘Buy Nothing Day’ campaign splits in promotional T-shirt crisis

With just one day to go until the 29th November ‘Buy Nothing Day’, anti-consumerism campaigners are embroiled in vicious infighting over a range of clothing designed to promote the event.

Tesco announces ‘Gladiator’ sale – up to 60% off for survivors

Tesco has announced plans for customers to fight to the death in special arenas in exchange for significant discounts.

Scotland to be allowed to choose their own plot directions in EastEnders

'it ain't wurf it'In yet another concession towards Scottish nationalists, Westminster has announced that from Summer 2015 Holyrood will be able to take control of plot and character development in the version of EastEnders broadcast in Scotland.

Although filming will remain at Elstree in London, editorial control for the two parallel versions of EastEnders will be split between White City and the BBC studios in Glasgow. Critics have claimed this will cause a huge amount of disruption to the show with parallel, yet overlapping plot lines meaning more work for actors, crew and writers, within an already tightly-constrained production schedule. There are also fears that none of the issues raised between the much-loved characters will ever now be satisfactorily resolved.

‘Grand Designs’ house constructed entirely out of forgotten Christmas puddings

owners 'couldn't build another thing'In one of the most ambitious self-building projects to date ‘Grand Designs’ presenter Kevin McCloud has revealed the first house to be constructed entirely out of forgotten Christmas puddings.

When Devonshire couple, Tom and Felicity Holmes realised that they could never afford to build their dream house out of traditional materials they were forced to think outside of the box. So, when Felicity discovered 17 years’ worth of unused Christmas puddings in the back of her mother’s kitchen cupboard, she experienced a true ‘Eureka’ moment.

Arab-Israeli conflict settled as Netanyahu & Hamas meet for ‘a few cheeky pints’

all it took was a decent manly seshBenjamin Netanyahu and Hamas leader Khaled Mashal last night announced a lasting settlement to the Israeli-Palestine conflict following a night of negotiations over eight pints of Fosters in the Lamb and Flag pub, Walthamstow.

Thousands turn out in Birmingham to see Noam Chomsky switch on Christmas lights

That's what makes him beautiful...Thousands of revellers have turned out in Birmingham city centre to celebrate the switching on of the Christmas lights by anarcho-syndicalist activist Noam Chomsky.

Chomsky, who wooed crowds at a similar event in London earlier this month, delivered a speech on revolutionary industrial unionism to rapturous acclaim before flicking the switch to herald the start of the city’s festive celebrations.

Disaffected UK extremists ‘may not be allowed to re-join the Conservative Party’

...won't be allowed abroad either, not that they would ever want to leave UKThe Prime Minister today announced a new raft of measures designed to combat the threat of Britons joining the shadowy extremist group UKIP, including removing the right of those individuals to later return to the Conservative Party.

Derbyshire man devises fellatio voucher scheme after breastfeeding initiative

Gary Prendergast, a 32 year old Derbyshire man, has successfully introduced a fellatio voucher scheme into his marriage.

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