Angry customers harangued the park’s beleaguered management to complain about poor quality jokes, lacklustre song and dance routines and groups of St Bernard’s standing around swearing loudly and smoking behind their kennels.
News In Brief
With just one day to go until the 29th November ‘Buy Nothing Day’, anti-consumerism campaigners are embroiled in vicious infighting over a range of clothing designed to promote the event.
Tesco has announced plans for customers to fight to the death in special arenas in exchange for significant discounts.
In yet another concession towards Scottish nationalists, Westminster has announced that from Summer 2015 Holyrood will be able to take control of plot and character development in the version of EastEnders broadcast in Scotland.
Although filming will remain at Elstree in London, editorial control for the two parallel versions of EastEnders will be split between White City and the BBC studios in Glasgow. Critics have claimed this will cause a huge amount of disruption to the show with parallel, yet overlapping plot lines meaning more work for actors, crew and writers, within an already tightly-constrained production schedule. There are also fears that none of the issues raised between the much-loved characters will ever now be satisfactorily resolved.
When Devonshire couple, Tom and Felicity Holmes realised that they could never afford to build their dream house out of traditional materials they were forced to think outside of the box. So, when Felicity discovered 17 years’ worth of unused Christmas puddings in the back of her mother’s kitchen cupboard, she experienced a true ‘Eureka’ moment.
Benjamin Netanyahu and Hamas leader Khaled Mashal last night announced a lasting settlement to the Israeli-Palestine conflict following a night of negotiations over eight pints of Fosters in the Lamb and Flag pub, Walthamstow.
Chomsky, who wooed crowds at a similar event in London earlier this month, delivered a speech on revolutionary industrial unionism to rapturous acclaim before flicking the switch to herald the start of the city’s festive celebrations.
The Prime Minister today announced a new raft of measures designed to combat the threat of Britons joining the shadowy extremist group UKIP, including removing the right of those individuals to later return to the Conservative Party.