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Iran claims nuclear programme ‘will produce world’s most powerful kettle’

Friday, February 17th, 2012

In an attempt to allay Western fears it is on the verge of producing a nuclear weapon, Iran says it is merely aiming to produce the world’s most powerful kettle, heated by nuclear power.

Severe punishment agreed for non-Scots wearing kilts at weddings

Tuesday, February 14th, 2012

Any non-Scottish people caught wearing kilts at weddings face at least ten years’ hard labour in a Polish prison under a new EU ruling. Sales of kilts as far south as Devon have increased ten-fold in the last 15 years, a boom attributed to increasing amounts of men seeking to distinguish themselves in a wacky way in a large group of other people.

Clowns demand pay rise for appearing in children’s nightmares

Thursday, January 26th, 2012

‘Few people consider what it’s like to be in our shoes,’ admitted Pepe, 32. ‘Clown wages are beyond a joke.’

Woman awakes from coma as Danny Glover

Tuesday, January 17th, 2012

destined to spend far too much time on the toiletAfter slipping into a coma in 2006 after a heavy roll of carpet fell on her, Doreen Peacock, 27, surprisingly emerged from unconsciousness as Glover, 65, the star of the Lethal Weapon film series.