In an attempt to allay Western fears it is on the verge of producing a nuclear weapon, Iran says it is merely aiming to produce the world’s most powerful kettle, heated by nuclear power.
Any non-Scottish people caught wearing kilts at weddings face at least ten years’ hard labour in a Polish prison under a new EU ruling. Sales of kilts as far south as Devon have increased ten-fold in the last 15 years, a boom attributed to increasing amounts of men seeking to distinguish themselves in a wacky way in a large group of other people.
‘Few people consider what it’s like to be in our shoes,’ admitted Pepe, 32. ‘Clown wages are beyond a joke.’
After slipping into a coma in 2006 after a heavy roll of carpet fell on her, Doreen Peacock, 27, surprisingly emerged from unconsciousness as Glover, 65, the star of the Lethal Weapon film series.
Loading...
Forty-eight year old Colin Taylor of Eastleigh is said to feeling ‘considerably more positive’ about his life, after entering his email address into a small box for an online petition last Tuesday.
The action, which took approximately five seconds, along with another fifteen ‘to check out what it was all about’, is said to have had a significant restorative effect on Mr Taylor’s self-image as a ‘concerned and empowered global citizen.’
Following the success of the UK Independence Party in many local elections where they gained huge numbers of seats, often without candidates setting out what they intend to do about the wide spectrum of issues confronting the electorate, or even turning up, the party insists it has listened to the public and intends to find some really good policies, and pretty damned soon.
UKIP insists that in the finest traditions of British commerce ever since the glorious 1950′s, that of course will mean ignoring the best that the British policy industry can offer and catching the first plane to China to source them at a fraction of the cost.
The successor to Sralex Ferguson as the manager of Manchester United has been chosen via a series of elimination tests, resulting in many hopeful managers losing any chance of ever enjoying ‘the big time’. Throughout the season, a large number of eager applicants with ridiculously over-inflated opinions of their abilities have been trialled but have failed spectacularly, and been summarily dismissed with the chilling words: ‘You’re fired’.
Scores of rubbish Media Studies degrees around the country are facing closure, according to the lecturers’ union NOPULU (Not Proper University Lecturers’ Union). The warning follows new figures from UCAS, which show the lucrative ‘crap sector’ of higher education in sharp decline following the rise in tuition fees.