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Other stories by Boutros

Labour’s plan to put a family GP ‘in every home’

Ed Miliband has announced a bold and far-reaching plan to put a fully qualified family GP in every home. What’s more, the embedded GP will be expected to pay rent to sleep on the sofa or indeed ‘anywhere suitable between 17 and 22 degrees’, which would be a much-needed source of extra income for struggling families.

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Posted: Oct 4th, 2014
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Boutros

Adobe to launch new ‘F*ck Off’ option

‘Users chose the ‘Fuck Off’ button over the standard range in 99% of tests,’ said a blogger for the annoying computer software giant. ‘We trialled various options, including ‘Fuck Right Off’, ‘NO! JUST-FUCK-OFFFFF!’ and the more polite ‘Off You Fuck’, but the straightforward ‘Fuck Off’ button was a sure and steady performer.’

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Posted: Aug 15th, 2014
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Boutros

Driverless cars allowed on UK roads, once they have turned 17

Driverless cars won’t be allowed on Britain’s roads until they have passed their test, said a spokesman for the Department of Transport. And in the latest setback to the rapid introduction of the high-tech vehicles, it was revealed that the cars would not be allowed to apply for their test until they are at least 17-years-old and covered in acne. This could delay their introduction until 2031.

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Posted: Aug 5th, 2014
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Boutros

Claims Direct appointed to solve Gaza crisis

‘This could be the peace breakthrough everyone has been waiting for,’ said one UN observer. With an arm injury netting up to £191,500 for the injured party, the hope is that just the presence of the Claims Direct injury experts in the area will have a highly sobering effect on anyone prepared to lob missiles, grenades or rude and hurtful insults over the fence at their neighbours.

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Posted: Jul 27th, 2014
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Boutros

Ref’s vanishing spray is whipped cream, claims Webb

FIFA super-ref Howard Webb has revealed that the new ‘vanishing spray’ he’s been issued with for this year’s World Cup to help make free kicks fairer is indistinguishable from whipped cream, and just as tasty.

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Posted: Jun 14th, 2014
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