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Other stories by Des Custard

Gunman firing in the air finally figures out baffling fatalities

thought Allah was catching themRebel gunman Ahmed, 23, of Tripoli, claims to have made a significant breakthrough in identifying the cause of a series of mysterious deaths caused by people being hit in the top of the head by bullets falling from the sky.

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Posted: Aug 28th, 2014
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Des Custard

Spanish to retain ‘culturally important’ Inquisition

a decision nobody expectedDespite protests from dissidents in Catalonia, the Roman Catholic Church in Spain has voted by a large majority to retain the Inquisition, citing its cultural importance and its popularity with the people.

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Posted: Jul 15th, 2014
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Des Custard

Ambulance service outsourced to bus and courier companies

arriva-ambulanceHailed as ‘another triumph of public-private partnership’, it was announced that NHS ambulance services are to be outsourced to a joint venture initiative between Arriva Bus and NextDay Couriers.

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Posted: Apr 17th, 2014
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Des Custard

Rock Dad in hiding after failing to play Stairway to Heaven in guitar shop

wouldn't even do the Rolf Harris versionFinance manager Derek Sanders of Bromsgrove is in hiding following a humiliating visit to a guitar shop with his son Matt, 17. Derek said in a telephone interview that he’d only been trying to encourage his son to do something constructive. ‘In my day we didn’t have laptops and Xboxes,’ he said. ‘If we didn’t want to watch rubbish like On the Buses we had to make our own entertainment.’

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Posted: Feb 27th, 2014
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Des Custard

Government to step in to deal with floods of tax returns

The government has been forced to step in to deal with an expected deluge of millions of last-minute online tax returns on 31 January. Troops will be on standby to ensure phone lines are kept open, and GCHQ will temporarily lift surveillance activities to ensure there are no blockages.

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Posted: Feb 1st, 2014
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