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The news before it happens…

Other stories by Des Custard

Man pees disinfectant toilet block 360 degrees in single urination

Eric Sanders, 37, of Carshalton, was said to be cock-a-hoop yesterday after successfully propelling a disinfectant toilet block a full circuit round a urinal drainage hole in the course of a single micturation.

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Posted: Sep 18th, 2011
More from Sport



Des Custard

Parents of A-Level loser plan gap year

taking the slow boat to PalookavilleFollowing his disastrous A-level results, the parents of James Ardingly have decided to take a year out while he works for his re-sits next summer.

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Posted: Aug 27th, 2011
More from Education



Des Custard

Gunman firing in the air finally figures out baffling fatalities

thought Allah was catching themRebel gunman Ahmed, 23, of Tripoli, claims to have made a significant breakthrough in identifying the cause of a series of mysterious deaths caused by people being hit in the top of the head by bullets falling from the sky.

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Posted: Aug 23rd, 2011
More from World News



Des Custard

Leytonstone mum: ‘Why I photo-shopped my daughter’

picture was originally only suitable for widescreenIt has been described as a moral dilemma no parent wants to confront: whether there are circumstances when you should ‘shop’ your child. But for Leytonstone mum Jaqui Privas, it was the only way to save her 14 year old daughter Viki’s future.

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Posted: Aug 20th, 2011
More from Lifestyle



Des Custard

Betting firms collapse as Indian cricketers retire on winnings

Within hours of England’s emphatic series win over cricket world champions India, several major betting firms have called in the administrators after Indian players collected their winnings.

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Posted: Aug 16th, 2011
More from News In Brief