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Other stories by Des Custard

Ancient rock band discovered under sofa

A middle aged Carshalton couple had the surprise of their lives yesterday when they discovered one of the lost wonders of the ancient world under their sofa: a legendary troupe of early musicians known as the Rolling Stones.

Sharon Sanders, 47, said early reports that a medieval shaft had been discovered were inaccurate. ‘It was only the singer trying to draw attention to his manhood,’ she explained.

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Posted: Aug 31st, 2012
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Des Custard

Panama hat shortage ‘critical’ as Ecuadorian sanctions bite

Only a week into Ecuador’s worldwide ban on the export of panama hats, the sanctions are beginning to bite. President Rafael Correa has said sanctions will remain in place until the British Government guarantees that it will grant Julian Assange safe passage to Quito.

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Posted: Aug 22nd, 2012
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Des Custard

Olympics fan sets new record for collecting Sunday papers from newsagent

celebrations set to go right through into Mo-nday‘I concentrated on carb-loading the previous night,’ said Mo, describing his achievement to the BBC’s Phil Jones. ‘Pizza and chips washed down by an enviable six pack while I watched the sprint relay was perfect.’

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Posted: Aug 12th, 2012
More from Lifestyle, Sport



Des Custard

UN stands by as Jubilee is inflicted on nation

In possibly the worst case of its kind in history, an entire nation has had a Jubilee inflicted upon it over an extended period while the rest of the world stood by.

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Posted: Jun 4th, 2012
More from UK News



Des Custard

Jessica Ennis sets new world record for ‘snatch ads’ revenue

always finding new angles to snatch ad revenue from six different eventsJessica Ennis, British gold medal hopeful for the Olympic heptathlon, has today signed a record sponsorship deal for so-called ‘snatch ads’.

Agent Alison Sanders explained that the ads are displayed on the wearer’s shorts between the legs. ‘They got their name from the way you only snatch a glimpse of the ad as the athlete performs her event,’ said Sanders. ‘This has the effect of ensuring the message sinks long and deep into the viewer’s mind. In terms of dollars per square inch of display space, nothing else comes close.

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Posted: May 27th, 2012
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