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Other stories by Dick Everyman

Irn Bru revenue siphoned off to fund the English economy

made from girders, Scottish girdersScottish nationalists are outraged at the disclosure that the revenue from Irn Bru is being siphoned off over the border. In secret moves by the Conservatives and Liberal Democrats, an order was made in 2012 making the land upon which Irn Bru production plants operate, English territory.

It is estimated that 15% of Irn Bru revenue will now end up in English coffers unless Scottish Independence can overturn the act.

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Posted: Feb 25th, 2014
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Dick Everyman

BBC’s Desert Island Discs in illegal colonisation row

World ServiceRadio 4 bosses have been summoned to the Foreign Office to answer questions following accusations of ‘rampant’ and ‘illegal’ colonisation of desert islands. Pacific island leaders have delivered a joint complaint to Foreign Secretary, William Hague in an attempt to halt the migration of potty professors, faded celebrities and unknown academics to hundreds of uninhabited islands in Micronesia and other areas of the Pacific.

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Posted: Jan 29th, 2014
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Dick Everyman

Female astronaut fails to reverse park spacecraft in space station docking bay

male astronauts later failed to find her clitorisFellow astronauts were scolded for ‘breathing too loud’ and others were told to ‘stop moving the space station’

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Posted: Jan 26th, 2014
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Dick Everyman

Putin approves gay-snow-balling and pillow-fighting-on-ice at Sochi

heartfelt appeal to all Olympic Village peopleIn what is seen as a callous attempt to gain world approval for the Winter Olympic Games in Sochi following criticism of its anti-gay legislation, Russia has put forward gay-snow-balling and pillow-fighting-on-ice as new Winter Olympic disciplines.

The Russian leader, Vladimir Putin personally approved the new disciplines at the International Defence Exhibition in Yalta. Sitting bare chested and astride the nozzle of an OT-3 flame throwing tank he said, ‘Russia is not a homo-phobic country. Just look at the Gulags where many gay people enjoy snow-balling and frolicking around in temperatures of -40C. Gay snow balling will be a big attraction in Sochi too, however the use of ear muffs and mittens is out of the question.’

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Posted: Jan 10th, 2014
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Dick Everyman

BBC reveals ‘some patients visit A&E units only once’

Data obtained under the Freedom of Information Act revealed that thousands of people made just one visit to the same unit in 2012-13. An NHS spokesman said the BBC’s findings on single attendees raised some worrying questions as hospitals struggled to cope.

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Posted: Jan 8th, 2014
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