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Other stories by Dick Everyman

BBC’s Desert Island Discs in illegal colonisation row

World ServiceRadio 4 bosses have been summoned to the Foreign Office to answer questions following accusations of ‘rampant’ and ‘illegal’ colonisation of desert islands. Pacific island leaders have delivered a joint complaint to Foreign Secretary, William Hague in an attempt to halt the migration of potty professors, faded celebrities and unknown academics to hundreds of uninhabited islands in Micronesia and other areas of the Pacific.

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Posted: Jan 29th, 2014
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Dick Everyman

Female astronaut fails to reverse park spacecraft in space station docking bay

male astronauts later failed to find her clitorisFellow astronauts were scolded for ‘breathing too loud’ and others were told to ‘stop moving the space station’

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Posted: Jan 26th, 2014
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Dick Everyman

Putin approves gay-snow-balling and pillow-fighting-on-ice at Sochi

heartfelt appeal to all Olympic Village peopleIn what is seen as a callous attempt to gain world approval for the Winter Olympic Games in Sochi following criticism of its anti-gay legislation, Russia has put forward gay-snow-balling and pillow-fighting-on-ice as new Winter Olympic disciplines.

The Russian leader, Vladimir Putin personally approved the new disciplines at the International Defence Exhibition in Yalta. Sitting bare chested and astride the nozzle of an OT-3 flame throwing tank he said, ‘Russia is not a homo-phobic country. Just look at the Gulags where many gay people enjoy snow-balling and frolicking around in temperatures of -40C. Gay snow balling will be a big attraction in Sochi too, however the use of ear muffs and mittens is out of the question.’

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Posted: Jan 10th, 2014
More from Sport



Dick Everyman

BBC reveals ‘some patients visit A&E units only once’

Data obtained under the Freedom of Information Act revealed that thousands of people made just one visit to the same unit in 2012-13. An NHS spokesman said the BBC’s findings on single attendees raised some worrying questions as hospitals struggled to cope.

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Posted: Jan 8th, 2014
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Dick Everyman

People with Teutonic surnames urged to stay away from ski resorts

Gott im HimmelWith the recent spate of accidents involving German nationals, ski resort officials and safety experts are urging anyone with a Teutonic sounding surname to stay off the slopes.

‘Whether your name is Schmidt, Weiss, Kruft, Jaeger or Heinemann you may be in particular danger,’ said safety official, Klaus Von Gruber at a press conference in the resort of St Moritz today. ‘As a precaution we are urging you to keep away from the Alps or other snow-capped regions around the world.’

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Posted: Jan 6th, 2014
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