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Other stories by Gary Stanton

Gaviscon heartburn firemen call 24 hour strike

Britain is facing a heartburn epidemic after stomach-based firemen called a 24 hour stoppage. The pint-sized firefighters, employed by Gaviscon, walked out in sympathy with public sector firemen yesterday, leaving alimentary canals across Britain seriously undermanned.

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Posted: Jul 11th, 2014
More from Business, UK News



Gary Stanton

London marathon runner raises £1m for existential angst charity

'will all these happy people please go away'London marathon runner, Nigel Mortimer, is celebrating this morning after raising £1m for the victims of crippling existential angst.

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Posted: Apr 17th, 2014
More from Sport



Gary Stanton

Bob Crow brings heaven out on strike

in the interests of my members...Heaven is staging a series of 24-hour stoppages after new arrival Bob Crow balloted angels over terms and conditions.

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Posted: Mar 12th, 2014
More from Faith, Politics



Gary Stanton

Flat-screen television sets ‘destroying our natural habitat’ claim poltergeists

People intending to purchase a fancy new plasma screen should take a long hard look at themselves if they care in the slightest about having their family terrorised by a malevolent being, warned poltergeists.

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Posted: Feb 25th, 2014
More from From The Archives



Gary Stanton

‘Dirty’ Harry Callahan found not guilty of shooting unarmed civilians

did he violate six statutes, or only five?In a controversial ruling, no-nonsense cop ‘Dirty’ Harry Callahan walked free from a federal court yesterday after a jury acquitted him of the ‘targeted hits’ of lowlife, good-for-nothing punks.

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Posted: Jan 20th, 2014
More from UK News