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Other stories by Gary Stanton

England players to receive win bonus of 40 Benson & Hedges

England’s highly paid international smokers are set to pocket 40 free ciggies if they can overcome the minnows of Montenegro later today. Manager Roy Hodgson gave the go ahead for the controversial bonus despite Joe Hart blaming his recent dip in form on passive smoking in the England dressing room.

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Posted: Oct 11th, 2013
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Gary Stanton

Scientists grow replacement set of testicles on Nick Clegg’s forehead

Surgeons have grown a fully functional set of gonads on Nick Clegg’s forehead to replace the pair lost when he entered a coalition with the Tories, according to reports.

The pioneering procedure uses stem cell technology to recreate a convincing ‘packet’ which medics hope to implant in the area of Clegg’s groin that controls pleasure. A team of scrotal experts have spent nine months cultivating the graft for the 46 year-old politician whose original balls were damaged beyond repair during a battle over tuition fees.

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Posted: Oct 2nd, 2013
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Gary Stanton

Miliband pins conference hopes on Real IRA atrocity

and if someone could invade the Falkirk islands, too...Ed Miliband has asked dissident Irish republican groups for their help in making the Labour Party conference more newsworthy by means of some kind of atrocity, it has emerged.

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Posted: Sep 24th, 2013
More from Politics



Gary Stanton

Knight Rider remake to feature new diesel KITT

A remake of the seminal 1980s series Knight Rider will see David Hasselhoff teaming up with a diesel engine version of his old crime-fighting buddy KITT, according to reports. The global financial crisis, together with skyrocketing petrol prices, has forced producers into a rethink, with catching criminals now considered less of a priority than fuel efficiency.

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Posted: Jul 9th, 2013
More from Arts/Entertainment



Gary Stanton

Chris Huhne starts work on series of escape tunnels

trying to blag a motorbike off some nonce on E wingChris Huhne is to launch an audacious escape bid from Wandsworth prison after finding living conditions inside less than satisfactory. The disgraced MP had originally expected a 5-star hotel, but a brief introductory tour of his wing confronted him with the grim reality of a 3-star Belgian Ibis.

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Posted: Mar 13th, 2013
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