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Other stories by Gary Stanton

Dishonest Tomlinson pathologist ‘actually apprentice bricklayer’

‘Suspicions were raised as to Patel’s true profession when we noticed that, rather than driving a Lexus, Patel would often turn up for work in a rusty white van containing a cement mixer, sandwiches and a spirit level.’

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Posted: Aug 15th, 2012
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Gary Stanton

China denies Olympic pool success down to human-dolphin hybrids

fancies Rebecca AdlingtonSuspicions were raised when BBC presenter Claire Balding overheard 16-year-old Ye Shiwen navigating her way around the Olympic pool’s deep-end using a series of clicks.

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Posted: Jul 30th, 2012
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Gary Stanton

David Walliams in ‘doomed’ charity bid to finish Stieg Larsson trilogy

David Walliams has failed in his bid raise money for disadvantaged kids by reading all twenty thousand pages of Stieg Larsson’s millennium trilogy dressed as a transsexual. The writer and performer collapsed late last night in the reading room of the British Library after a period of 82 days without intellectual stimulation .

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Posted: Jun 5th, 2012
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Gary Stanton

Canines criticise rescue centre for ‘irresponsible promotion’ of size-zero dogs

Published photos of a malnourished rescued dog dubbed ‘the thinnest dog seen alive’ have left other canines feeling unhappy with the way they look.

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Posted: Jun 1st, 2012
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Gary Stanton

Safety fears as green protestors assaulted by genetically modified wheat

wheat now able to walk like a triffidThe long-term viability of genetically-modified (GM) crops has been called into question, after members of an anti-GM group were viciously assaulted by roaming wheat columns larger than a double-decker bus.

Protestors broke into the Hertfordshire field where the feisty crop is being grown with the intention of uprooting it and setting it alight, but their plans were thwarted when several bundles of wheat proved to be aggressively self-aware.

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Posted: May 27th, 2012
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