NewsBiscuit

With his fans getting increasingly impatient for the follow-up to his era-defining live performances, management acting for global megastar Jesus Christ were yesterday again forced to confirm that the artist remains holed up in the studio working on his long-awaited second coming. Many industry insiders believe that the performer’s best days are behind him, but despite no indication of when we might hear some new material from Christianity’s No.1 artist, die-hard fans are still keeping the faith.

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Posted: Mar 5th, 2010
More from Celebrity

‘Occupier’ has a certain ring to it, wouldn’t you say?

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Posted: Feb 25th, 2010
More from Features

The Muslim faith pulled off a massive coup yesterday by signing Jesus Christ from its bitter rival Christianity. The transfer sees the Christians’ pin-up boy end his long association with the Rome outfit and switch to Islam on a Bosman.

‘We’d been looking to strengthen the squad for a while, and this’ll really increase the competition for places,’ said Islam’s manager Allah today. ‘Fair play to him, Jesus has got a lovely touch, especially with the sick and the poor, and I think the lad’s shown that he’s prepared to put the team first. Some say his best years are behind him, but I reckon he’s due a return to form before he hangs up his sandals, and at the end of the day it’ll just be great to have a player of his calibre in and around the dressing room.‘

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Posted: Jan 23rd, 2010
More from World News

UN Chief Ban ki-Moon called for a Christmas ceasefire at 65 Acre Lane, Carshalton, where the marital conflict between Mr and Mrs Seymour over the ideal temperature for their central heating system has been escalating.

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Posted: Jan 2nd, 2010
More from News In Brief

Parents everywhere were delighted today by the news that veterinarians have at last developed a form of the ever-popular Christmas gift, the dog, that won’t linger on into the New Year and beyond the festive period. The new ‘Live Fast, Die Young’ breed ages at the rate of seven dog years to one hour, so shoppers can rest assured that by the twelfth hour of Christmas their true love will be left with nothing more than fond memories and a freshly-dug mound of earth in the garden, or their money back

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Posted: Dec 3rd, 2009
More from Science/Technology