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Other stories by Gerontius Bonalatty

Scots’ Justice Secretary to release Pandas on compassionate grounds

Two pandas recently incarcerated in an Edinburgh zoo are to be released on compassionate grounds after one of them was found to be suffering from terminal prostate cancer. The animals, destined to spend the rest of their lives behind bars after being found guilty of ‘looking really cute’ could be released as early as next week.

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Posted: Dec 28th, 2011
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Gerontius Bonalatty

Matt Lucas to replace Thames Flood Barrier for charity

‘On 3rd September Matt will be lowered into the river using hydraulic lifting gear at a point just north of New Charlton and will straddle the Thames for the next ten days.’

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Posted: Aug 31st, 2011
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Gerontius Bonalatty

Geoff Boycott’s grandmother called up to Indian cricket team

grandson insists she's better than Tendulkar‘About bloody time too,’ said her grandson, Sir Geoffrey Boycott. ‘I’ve been saying all summer that my grandmother is a better batsman than this lot.’

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Posted: Aug 28th, 2011
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Gerontius Bonalatty

Royal Wedding Cauldron now outselling B-B-Q says B&Q

A B&Q survey discovered that most people would much rather place their vitals in a cauldron of boiling water than watch a pair of privileged chancers, while eating burned sausages and waving plastic flags.

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Posted: Apr 6th, 2011
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Gerontius Bonalatty

US fired up as unemployment hits all-time low

Unemployment in the US has fallen for the 4th consecutive month in a row, adding credence to the claim that the war on two fronts in the Middle East is at last starting to yield beneficial results.

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Posted: Apr 4th, 2011
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