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Other stories by Gerontius Bonalatty

Royal Wedding Cauldron now outselling B-B-Q says B&Q

A B&Q survey discovered that most people would much rather place their vitals in a cauldron of boiling water than watch a pair of privileged chancers, while eating burned sausages and waving plastic flags.

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Posted: Apr 6th, 2011
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Gerontius Bonalatty

US fired up as unemployment hits all-time low

Unemployment in the US has fallen for the 4th consecutive month in a row, adding credence to the claim that the war on two fronts in the Middle East is at last starting to yield beneficial results.

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Posted: Apr 4th, 2011
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Gerontius Bonalatty

Ancient lump of coal saved from arson attack to be displayed in museum

The coal, dating from the Carboniferous period, was moments from being burnt on an open fire in the sitting room of pensioner Annie Otterburne. Considered a bargain by art historians at just £2.7m , it will be on display in a Yorkshire museum.

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Posted: Feb 6th, 2011
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Gerontius Bonalatty

Angel of the North vows ‘never again’

The Angel of the North has publicly criticised cheap flight specialists Flybe over their ‘cost-cutter’ flights out of Newcastle airport. ‘I was really looking forward to a weekend break away from it all.’ The steel statue told the Evening Gazette.

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Posted: Aug 8th, 2009
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Gerontius Bonalatty

Toddler savages Pit Bull Terrier

The family of a toddler from the Croxteth area of Liverpool is in shock today following news a horrific Pit Bull attack.

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Posted: Jun 17th, 2009
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