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Other stories by Gerontius

Food banks ‘too big to fail’ warns think tank

‘These banks are at the heart of the nation’s service industry and have come to represent everything this government stands for,’

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Posted: Jan 14th, 2015
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Gerontius

Kim Jong-Un found hiding in woman’s nostril

Greatest nose-dweller ever. Fact.A woman is said to be recovering well after discovering Kim Jong-Un hiding in her nostril, ending weeks of speculation about the North Korean leader’s whereabouts.

Donna Onions, a 24 year old medical student from Edinburgh, thinks she may have picked up the North Korean dictator while backpacking in East Asia. ‘At first I thought the blockage was just an annoying little blood clot caused by the long flight,’ she said, ‘or maybe a thrombosis caused by a motorcycle accident I had in Penang. But then the doctors took another look and that’s when I got quite a nasty shock.’

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Posted: Oct 13th, 2014
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Gerontius

Brain op goldfish to become Tory candidate

A goldfish that recently underwent brain surgery could become a Tory candidate in time for next year’s general election, says the prime minister. Mr Cameron told Conservative party members gathering in Birmingham ahead of the party conference that the goldfish had displayed all the qualities necessary to make a first class Tory candidate and would [...]

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Posted: Sep 16th, 2014
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Gerontius

ITV’s ‘Celebrity Squares’ facing copyright claim from Neanderthals

A spokesman for the community of Neanderthals has accused Group M Entertainment of ‘blatant copyright infringement’ amid claims the format for ITV’s ‘Celebrity Squares’ is based on one of their original ideas.

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Posted: Sep 12th, 2014
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Gerontius

Free school meals to include ‘pony and rabbit’

Education Minister David Laws says that free school dinners for primary school children will include ‘rabbit and pony’.

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Posted: Sep 8th, 2014
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