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Other stories by Jesus H

‘Where’s Wally’ search finally called off after body found

The three-decade search for missing globetrotter and time traveller ‘Wally’ was finally called off today, after police discovered the remains of a man in a red and white stripey jumper in the early hours of this morning.

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Posted: Aug 19th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Jesus H

Raid at Sir Cliff Richard’s house found ‘disturbing calendar images’

Over fifty prospective images for a planned 2015 calendar were discovered on hard-drives and mobile phone devices during the dawn bust, some of which have already been classed as ‘Category A’ and ‘totally gross’.

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Posted: Aug 16th, 2014
More from Arts/Entertainment



Jesus H

Twenty-minute Facebook outage leaves millions of dinners unphotographed

A global panic was triggered on Friday evening after a twenty-minute Facebook outage left millions of users unable to upload sepia-toned pictures of what they were having for tea. The downtime, which is the second the network has experienced in as many months, also left many unable to tag themselves in the airport, share even more photos of their dogs, or tell people that they’re waiting for a BT engineer to arrive.

42-year-old Sandra Hough from Birmingham, who religiously shares a photo of a bottle of Summer Fruits Kopparberg with the telly in the background on a Friday, was also left frustrated. ‘This is the one time of the week I get a few hours to relax and take several photos of my drink, but it’s totally meaningless if I’m unable to show the whole f***ing world. I haven’t spoken to these people for decades, but it’s imperative that they know when I’m trying to relax with an artificially flavoured cider’.

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Posted: Aug 3rd, 2014
More from UK News



Jesus H

Glastonbury goers ‘furious’ as Chris de Burgh announced as emergency headline act

‘I’m currently working with festival co-ordinators to see how we can stretch out a performance of The Lady in Red over two days.’

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Posted: Jun 26th, 2014
More from From The Archives



Jesus H

Des Lynam ‘the only man left you can trust’, confirm Yewtree investigators

shouldn't you be at work?Officers investigating allegations of sexual abuse by notable figures from the 60s and 70s have concluded today that, the only man currently alive that’s ‘completely trustworthy’, is veteran TV and radio presenter, Des Lynam.

‘We investigated Des thoroughly, and amazingly, we found zilch’, said one anonymous Yewtree investigator today. ‘We rummaged through his bins, hacked into his computer and interrogated him in a hot room for six days straight, but the guy’s clean. We didn’t even find any evidence of any suspiciously long hugs. We’re now able to confirm that Des Lynam is currently the only celebrity over sixty still at liberty to appear on TV not wearing a pair of handcuffs with a jacket pulled over his head’.

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Posted: Jun 24th, 2014
More from UK News