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Other stories by Jesus H

Ebola promises to stop if Bob Geldof does

The highly contagious Ebola virus has issued a statement today announcing that it will stop causing pain and suffering throughout West Africa and the rest of the world if Sir Bob Geldof does the same.

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Posted: Nov 19th, 2014
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Jesus H

Rosetta sets sights on Kim Kardashian in next daring mission

The European Space Agency has confirmed plans to extend its successful comet mission by rerouting Rosetta to the rear end of MTV star and socialite, Kim Kardashian.

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Posted: Nov 16th, 2014
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Jesus H

Rosetta scientist ‘still can’t park his Ford Mondeo properly’, claim colleagues

The scientist successful in landing a dishwasher-sized probe on a distant rock hurtling through space at 34,000mph failed to reverse park a Ford Mondeo into a generously sized parking bay this morning, it’s been revealed.

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Posted: Nov 13th, 2014
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Jesus H

John Lewis penguin escapes forced marriage hell

never knowingly taken up the aisleA female penguin has hit out against retail giant John Lewis for what is being described as a ‘forced and highly illegal marriage’ between herself and ‘Monty’, co-star of the widely anticipated Christmas commercial released last week. The flightless bird, who hit headlines for her brief appearance in the advert, claims the whole setup was against her will, and that she intends to press charges against the well-known high street chain.

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Posted: Nov 11th, 2014
More from UK News



Jesus H

Facebook users ‘running low’ on inspirational quotes

live different‘Our research indicates that there is now only one Shakespeare quote remaining that is yet to lose its original meaning on Facebook.’

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Posted: Nov 11th, 2014
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