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‘I hate all foreigners and will go for a pint with everyone’, shouts Clegg

In a remarkable shift in opinion, Deputy PM Nick Clegg has renounced his stance against the UK leaving Europe, declaring openly that he ‘dislikes all foreigners’, and will happily go for a pint with everyone, ‘providing the ale is British’.

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Posted: May 27th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Jesus H

People who bought a house in the 1990s ‘still smug’, confirms survey

'can I just add, 'Excellent!''All those who purchased a house in the late 1990s are ‘still smug’, according to a survey carried out by Halifax this week. The famous house price boom, which saw the value of many properties explode by 60% in a few short years, left many people in an enviable financial position, and most have now confirmed that they ‘definitely knew exactly what they were doing’.

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Posted: May 13th, 2014
More from UK News



Jesus H

‘Meat must be prepared away from salad and impaled on a large rotating spike’, demand men

still waiting for Michelin starsPub-going men up and down the country have stated clearly today that meat is only acceptable to eat if it’s basted in thick orangey grease, impaled on a large rotating metal spike, and is of ‘questionable origin’.

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Posted: May 9th, 2014
More from Lifestyle



Jesus H

Nick Clegg to resort to ‘mum jokes’ in all future live debates

"I agree with Nick"Crestfallen Nick Clegg has been advised by his publicists to adopt a more ‘ruthless approach’ in all future live debates, by resorting to ‘mum jokes’ when backed into a corner by his opponent.

Clegg’s recent debate with UKIP’s Nigel Farage on Britain and the EU, televised live on BBC Two, resulted in UKIP storming home with a massive 68% of votes in a snap YouGov survey, leaving the Lib Dems with no other choice than to court the ‘mum joke’ vote.

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Posted: Apr 3rd, 2014
More from Politics



Jesus H

Boom in meth labs blamed on unsuccessful teachers’ strike

A sharp rise in the production of the highly addictive stimulant crystal methamphetamine on the UK’s streets has been directly blamed on last week’s national teachers’ strike today, which unions deemed largely unsuccessful.

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Posted: Mar 30th, 2014
More from Education