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Other stories by John Wiltshire

Ofgas: ‘No connection between 2+2 and 4′

‘It’s exactly the same with people who allege that energy companies all put up their prices by the same amount at the same time.’

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Posted: Nov 8th, 2013
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John Wiltshire

Captors release Libyan PM after William Hague tells them to

‘Terrorists all over the world are deeply afraid of William Hague; one stern retribution and the game is up.

‘We heard his voice on the radio,’ admitted Mr ben-Scari, ‘demanding the release of Ziedan, and we couldn’t chuck his excellency out of the front door fast enough.

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Posted: Oct 11th, 2013
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John Wiltshire

Nutter leaves organisation he founded because ‘it’s full of nutters’

The founder of the Extremely Dangerous Lunatics, Timmy Nutter, today left the organisation he has been leading for 4 years because ‘it’s full of nutters exactly like me.’

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Posted: Oct 8th, 2013
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John Wiltshire

Sunderland appoint Brighton boss to prepare for life in lower divisions

Sunderland FC today announced the appointment of Gus Poyet as ‘Head of Relegation’. Poyet was recently sacked by Brighton & Hove Albion for being useless, and so was judged to be the ideal candidate to manage Sunderland.

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Posted: Oct 8th, 2013
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John Wiltshire

Shock as man buys magazine in WH Smith

‘I asked him what he wanted and he “To buy this”. It took me a while to take it in,’ McAndrew told reporters. ‘So I said “You mean you want to give me money for it?”.’

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Posted: Sep 23rd, 2013
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