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Other stories by Long Distance Clara

MasterChef won by dish of twice-heated beans served on a bed of lightly-toasted bread and dressed in a rich tomato jus

'It doesn't get any better than that!'The BBC’s MasterChef competition has been won by a contestant successfully pulling off his elaborate signature dish of reheated baked beans drizzled over a bed of lightly toasted shop-bought Mighty White and served in a thick tomato sauce.

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Posted: May 4th, 2014
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Long Distance Clara

Children of sperm donors ‘deserve right to know who father was fantasising about’

any thoughts about the Andrex puppy can be disregardedCampaigners have today called for the offspring of sperm donors to be given the legal right to learn the identity of the person their biological father was mentally getting jiggy with when he donated his DNA.

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Posted: Feb 22nd, 2014
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Long Distance Clara

Pope planning ‘massive’ leaving do

God still asleep, not comingPlans are said to be well underway at the Vatican to mark the departure today of Pope Benedict XVI with what Cardinals are excitedly describing as ‘an almighty piss-up’.

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Posted: Feb 10th, 2014
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Long Distance Clara

One dead, two pregnant, five sacked in ‘best ever office Christmas party’

stationery cupboard fuller than everOffice Supplies firm’s Christmas party topped their previous record for fatalities, colleague impregnation and on-the-spot dismissals.

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Posted: Dec 17th, 2013
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Long Distance Clara

England cricketers apologise for pissing all over the Aussies

The English cricket team has today issued an apology for the manner of their comprehensive 3-0 Ashes victory over the Australians.

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Posted: Aug 28th, 2013
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