NewsBiscuit

The news written by you…

Other stories by Long Distance Clara

England cricketers apologise for pissing all over the Aussies

The English cricket team has today issued an apology for the manner of their comprehensive 3-0 Ashes victory over the Australians.

Read more >

Posted: Aug 28th, 2013
More from News In Brief



Long Distance Clara

Assad condemns fitness levels after ‘sudden outbreak of asthma’ among Syrians

a massive bombardment of salbutamol should sort itSyrian President Bashar al-Assad has told the world’s media that he ‘will not rest’ until residents of Damascus commit to the sort of physical exercise regime that would prevent them succumbing to the sudden bouts of asthma captured on news footage last week.

‘I am sure the whole world will join me in condemning the irresponsible lifestyle choices of my subjects,’ said President Assad today. ‘Gasping for breath, clawing at your face, even suddenly falling down and dying – any doctor will tell you that this is the fate that befalls you if you don’t partake in regular aerobic exercise. It is a sobering lesson for Syria, but we will learn from it and move on.’

Read more >

Posted: Aug 27th, 2013
More from World News



Long Distance Clara

Wayne Rooney told to choose between hair loss treatments

Unsettled Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney has been told that he needs to end speculation about his future and decide once-and-for-all which hair loss product he wishes to be associated with.

Read more >

Posted: Aug 27th, 2013
More from News In Brief



Long Distance Clara

European flooding latest: God tells Nigel Farage to build ark

2 by 2 policy 'under review'UKIP leader Nigel Farage today revealed that he has been instructed by God to build an ark in order to protect sane, anti-European thinkers like himself from the rising flood waters which God has sent to central Europe as a punishment for the incompetence and bureaucracy of the European Union…

Read more >

Posted: Jun 3rd, 2013
More from Faith, Politics



Long Distance Clara

Ronnie O’Sullivan retires, un-retires, retires again during mid-session interval

Enigmatic reigning World Snooker Champion, Ronnie O’Sullivan, today retired, changed his mind and then reverted to his original decision again during the 10-minute break between sessions in his quarter final match at the Crucible Theatre, Sheffield.

Read more >

Posted: May 1st, 2013
More from News In Brief