NewsBiscuit

The news written by you…

Other stories by Long Distance Clara

European flooding latest: God tells Nigel Farage to build ark

2 by 2 policy 'under review'UKIP leader Nigel Farage today revealed that he has been instructed by God to build an ark in order to protect sane, anti-European thinkers like himself from the rising flood waters which God has sent to central Europe as a punishment for the incompetence and bureaucracy of the European Union…

Read more >

Posted: Jun 3rd, 2013
More from Faith, Politics



Long Distance Clara

Ronnie O’Sullivan retires, un-retires, retires again during mid-session interval

Enigmatic reigning World Snooker Champion, Ronnie O’Sullivan, today retired, changed his mind and then reverted to his original decision again during the 10-minute break between sessions in his quarter final match at the Crucible Theatre, Sheffield.

Read more >

Posted: May 1st, 2013
More from News In Brief



Long Distance Clara

Pope planning ‘massive’ leaving do

God still asleep, not comingPlans are said to be well underway at the Vatican to mark the departure today of Pope Benedict XVI with what Cardinals are excitedly describing as ‘an almighty piss-up’.

Read more >

Posted: Feb 27th, 2013
More from Faith



Long Distance Clara

After 23 years, Phil Mitchell finally clears throat

More than 20 years after his first appearance on long-running soap opera EastEnders, the popular character of Phil Mitchell has at last got round to clearing his throat, suddenly enabling him to talk like a normal person.

Read more >

Posted: Feb 17th, 2013
More from News In Brief



Long Distance Clara

Valuables ‘missing’ after Queen’s visit to Downing Street

Search of Buckingham Palace 'could take a while' Prime Minister David Cameron has been put in an awkward position after staff at No.10 reported the disappearance of a number of wallets, handbags and mobile phones immediately following the Queen’s visit to Downing Street yesterday.

Read more >

Posted: Dec 18th, 2012
More from Politics, UK News