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Other stories by Long Distance Clara

Iran conducts test of long-range tickling stick

What a wonderful day for flinging a custard pie in the face of the President of Iran and saying Slam-me-dinner-plate-in-that The surface-to-surface weapon has a range of up to 1,200 miles and has caused panic among Israeli and American diplomats who fear that it could be used to cause outbreaks of squirming and hilarity in the already troubled region.

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Posted: Jul 8th, 2012
More from World News



Long Distance Clara

Notorious criminal boss elects ‘not to accept bonus this year’

lying low until bribery comes back into fashionThe overlord of an organised criminal gang yesterday announced that due to poor corporate performance and discovery of some questionable business practices, he will be foregoing his annual bonus this year.

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Posted: Jun 29th, 2012
More from Business



Long Distance Clara

Old lady passes 60th year in dead-end job

The 86-year-old marked her 60th year in a job which affords her no responsibility, no prospects of progression and absolutely no sense of fulfilment.

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Posted: Jun 4th, 2012
More from Celebrity



Long Distance Clara

Clinton Cards launches range of equivocal Valentine’s cards for unfulfilling relationships

Clinton offering once-a-year chance for honest declaration of apathy‘The last thing you want to be doing on the most romantic day of the year is raising expectations.’

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Posted: Feb 14th, 2012
More from Lifestyle



Long Distance Clara

Diane Abbott to replace John Terry as England captain

plans to divide her squad into 4-4-2, and RULE!Mrs Abbott is expected to slot into Terry’s role at the centre of defence, significantly strengthening the national squad for the European Championships this summer.

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Posted: Feb 5th, 2012
More from Sport