‘In the last General Election 39% of the electorate didn’t vote,’ said Apathist leader, Kevin Dullard, ‘if that figure were translated into parliamentary seats we could win an overall majority. Not that we would bother to turn up of course.’
Posted: Mar 17th, 2010
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‘I am absolutely gutted,’ said the Greek hero of myth and legend, ‘I was really looking forward to representing my country and now this.’
Posted: Mar 16th, 2010
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‘The British electorate have a very important decision to make,’ said Samantha Cameron, ‘which one of us would you most like to sleep with?’
Speaking on Milfsnet.com all three leaders’ wives pitched their wares. Sarah Brown said: ‘My husband is more than happy that I am offering myself to the nation although anyone wishing to sleep with me will have to pass Gordon’s five conditions for entry.’
Posted: Mar 15th, 2010
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User groups have today criticised God’s plans to close the Universe next year to carry out essential maintenance work.
Posted: Mar 11th, 2010
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The former Foreign Secretary, who died in 2005, will give evidence at a special evening séance of the Chilcot Committee via television psychic, Derek Acorah. ‘I am delighted to be helping Robin give evidence to the Inquiry,’ said Acorah, ‘I have been practising his voice and I have even grown a little pointy beard for the occasion.’
The séance, held in conjunction with Living TV’s Most Haunted, will be conducted in candlelight using the traditional round table format, billowing curtains and ouija board – a method previously employed by the intelligence services to establish whether Iraq was harbouring WMDs.
Posted: Mar 9th, 2010
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