‘Nick has been with us now for almost two years and it’s high time he became a full member of the Tory family,’ said Mr Cameron. ‘In an ideal world he should be with his biological party, but it seems unlikely they will ever have him back.’
Posted: Mar 9th, 2012
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‘These new lightsabers are rubbish,’ complained Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi. ‘They take ages to light up and when they do you can barely see anything with them.’
Posted: Mar 6th, 2012
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‘My first task is help sex up Mr Cameron’s image,’ explained the septuagenarian pop sensation. ‘To appeal to that all-important female demographic, David is growing a nice pair of mutton chop side burns.’
Posted: Mar 5th, 2012
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Scientists believe they may have recorded their first sighting of the elusive sub-political particle, the Clegg boson, otherwise known as The Sod Particle.
The Clegg’s existence has been postulated for some time as a means to resolving strange inconsistencies in the Standard Political Model, while remaining barely detectable itself.
‘The Clegg is very tiny and only capable of weak interactions,’ explained Professor Jim Al-Khalili, ‘However, despite exerting only a very small force, it appears to play a key role in providing the mass for some of the larger political elements.’
Posted: Dec 13th, 2011
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Under new emergency powers to be revealed in Parliament tomorrow, riot police will be able to deploy a specially trained bear to disperse crowds and maintain public order. Each bear has been given strict instructions to chase arsonists, looters or anyone who just looks a bit tasty. ‘We have been more than patient with these people,’ said Home Secretary Theresa May, ‘releasing a ferocious 1500 lb carnivore into the area is the only language they will understand.’
Posted: Aug 10th, 2011
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