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Other stories by Mary Evans

Bill Oddie and Kate Humble to present ‘Suicidewatch’

viewers already asking; 'Is it twitching?'Following the enormous success of the genteel seasonal programmes fronted by two national treasures, the BBC has announced that the latest observational wildlife series will be launched later this year live from HMP Wakefield.

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Posted: Jan 12th, 2014
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Mary Evans

Marriage in crisis as husband eschews Christmas sex in favour of cash alternative

same old present, year after yearThe 22-year union between Lionel and Marjorie Alwyn was reportedly under threat last night, as it emerged that Mr Alwyn had declined their traditional festive sexual congress and asked ‘for the money instead’.

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Posted: Dec 13th, 2013
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Mary Evans

Youngest of four finds cure for cancer whilst completing sub-three-minute mile and mother still fails to get camera out

will discover Higgs boson next, unless she gets some attention‘You do accept that as the youngest child, your parents become slightly more complacent about their children’s achievements,’ commented Dr Ruth Caldwell, who recently broke the Guinness world record for the greatest number of Romanian orphans rescued from a burning building.

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Posted: Nov 26th, 2013
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Mary Evans

Luke Skywalker censures Daily Mail for slur against his father

the farce is strong with this oneThe controversy surrounding the freedom of the press took another sinister turn this morning after a tabloid article suggested that the popularity of yet another much-loved celebrity might have been misplaced, and urged the public to take another good, hard look at his dad.

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Posted: Oct 9th, 2013
More from Arts/Entertainment, Celebrity



Mary Evans

GCSEs to be replaced by Hunger Games

streaming at its bestAmidst concerns over failing educational standards, it was announced today that the GCSE is to be replaced by a Hunger Games-style contest, in which 16-year-olds will exchange statutory secondary school qualifications for a gladiatorial fight to the death. It is hoped that the new measures will not only improve unemployment statistics in the 16+ demographic, but also combat teenage obesity, pregnancy and undue dependence on Candy Crush Saga.

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Posted: Aug 24th, 2013
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