NewsBiscuit

The news written by you…

Other stories by Mary Evans

School misfits form Glee club, still get shit kicked out of them

A group of socially awkward schoolchildren was disappointed today after discovering that pooling their hitherto secret singing and dancing talents into a performing arts group was insufficient to prevent the ‘right kicking’ that awaits them in school on a daily basis. ‘We hoped that by expressing ourselves through the medium of song, we could prove our worth to a cynical and unkind social hierarchy,’ said Jay ‘big fat gayer who’s so gay even gayers think he’s too gay’ Smith. ‘But our efforts thus far seem only to have reinforced the notion that we are a group of ‘spacks’, ‘lezzers’ and ‘binners’, although we have noted that our aggressors often hum our signature version of Toto’s ‘Africa’ while beating the crap out of us.’

Read more >

Posted: Apr 18th, 2010
More from Arts/Entertainment



Mary Evans

Mumsnet to decide general election

In a campaigning season that has been widely hailed as the ‘Mumsnet Election’, it was announced today that the result of May’s general election will now be entirely determined by the contributors to the popular parental chat room. ‘These people never shy away from the difficult issues, be it Europe, the economy, or how you get a recalcitrant toddler to poo on the potty,’ said HRH Queen Elizabeth II, who agrees with the vehemence of feeling on the website against Petit Filous. ‘So who better to decide who runs the country? It’s not like we can leave it to just anyone. And they were so helpful when one asked ‘How do I tell my middle-aged son he’s never getting my job?’

Read more >

Posted: Apr 13th, 2010
More from Politics



Mary Evans

Concerns grow for World Cup WAG squad

most likely to be substituted before half-time‘There’s a reason Colleen Rooney is the face of Asda.’

Read more >

Posted: Apr 9th, 2010
More from Sport



Mary Evans

Mattel targets gym-slip mothers with ‘Post-Natal Barbie’

princess costume traded in for something more comfyThe leading toy manufacturer behind the perennially popular Barbie doll has announced the world famous doll’s latest evolution in a bid to keep her in tune with current youth trends. ‘Barbie has always been an aspirational brand, so we wanted to ensure her next incarnation was something young girls could really strive towards,’ said a company spokeswoman, who refused to confirm or deny whether the launch was a direct response to Sindy’s Malawian Orphan™.

Read more >

Posted: Mar 2nd, 2010
More from Lifestyle



Mary Evans

Bill Oddie and Kate Humble to present ‘Suicidewatch’

viewers already asking; 'Is it twitching?'Following the enormous success of the genteel seasonal programmes fronted by two national treasures, the BBC has announced that the latest observational wildlife series will be launched later this year live from HMP Wakefield.

Read more >

Posted: Jan 14th, 2010
More from Arts/Entertainment