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Stephen Hawking warns that Artificial Intelligence could end Angry Birds

Prof Stephen Hawking, one of Britain’s pre-eminent scientists, has said that efforts to create thinking machines pose a threat to the very existence of mindless computer games such as Angry Birds. He explained, ‘The development of full artificial intelligence could spell the end of stupid people being able to waste their time on stupid wastes of time.’

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Posted: Dec 3rd, 2014
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Midfield Diamond

Persistent cold callers and chuggers face new ‘badgerer cull’

Cute, furry creatures 'don't stand a chance'Following last year’s unsuccessful culling campaign, the Government has today announced plans for a second attempt at reducing the ‘badgerer’ population. Up to 70% of badgerers who spend their days harassing the public on the street or on the phone in attempts to extract money from them are to be culled in 2014, in an operation designed to put an end to the unpopular practice.

Last year’s attempt at culling badgerers was considered by critics to be ‘ineffective’. The Government targets for the number of personal injury compensation badgerers to be dealt with in 2013 were not met, leading to the proliferation of a new generation of ‘PPI compensation badgerers’ this year. Environment Minister Liz Truss is keen to set new targets, although she insists the aims of the badgerer cull have not changed, saying: ‘The badgerers have not moved the goalposts.’

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Posted: Sep 10th, 2014
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Midfield Diamond

Somerset village cricket team banned for enjoying itself too much

might need a bail outthe Team’s inability to talk complete bollocks authorititively about cricketing topics really counted against Charlton Pilchered

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Posted: Jun 7th, 2014
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Midfield Diamond

Football chairmen invest in world’s most expensive merry-go-round

roll-up, roll-up for the ride of your life!The biggest, fastest and most costly carousel in the world has been ordered by a group of ambitious football club owners in time for next season. Set in an unfairground just outside the Promised Land, the new ride will entertain some of the richest football managers from around the world between terminated but lucrative contracts. The owners have high hopes that their merry-go-round will become, and remain for several years to come, a premier attraction.

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Posted: May 14th, 2014
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Midfield Diamond

Opening of M40 pub marks end of Christmas drink drive campaigns

Wetherspoons were pleased to announce the opening of the UK’s first motorway pub this week, days after hundreds of police officers returned to their desk jobs following six weeks of ‘tiresome breathalysing’.

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Posted: Jan 23rd, 2014
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