Atheism renounced to avoid working bank holiday weekend
‘I started backtracking faster than Rowan Williams saying there might be something in Sharia Law.’
Posted: Apr 9th, 2012
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Role-playing sex games taken too seriously by Method Actor
Joanne Lowe was reported to be angry and frustrated after a suggestion to her husband that they add a spot of role-playing to their sex lives spiralled out of control. Upon hearing the idea of ‘the lonely housewife and the local handyman catching an eyeful as he clears the guttering’, husband Robin, a dedicated method actor, threw himself into the role.
‘I thought it would be a bit of fun while the kids were staying with the grandparents,’ explained 37-year old solicitor Joanne, ‘but Robin really began living the part. He put adverts in the local paper and in the newsagent’s window offering to do gardening, DIY, house clearances, all sorts.’
Posted: Feb 20th, 2011
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Bob the Builder sacked as middle-class parents demand more aspirational kids’ TV stars
Bob the Builder was the highest profile casualty this week as children’s TV channel Cbeebies responded to the demands of its aggressively guilt-ridden parent viewers to ditch the glamorisation of working- to lower-middle class jobs in favour of animated characters pursuing careers ‘that make risking negative equity to get in the right school’s catchment area worthwhile’. As part of a new commitment to quality the BBC has cancelled all shows starring members of the construction industry, postal workers, or ‘any job where there’s a chance their children could be unionised’.
Posted: Apr 5th, 2010
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Advertising Feature; Guys! Recover your lost youth with new L’Oreal nasal hair dye
‘Give your greying nostrils that luxurious just-blown glow.’
Posted: Apr 2nd, 2010
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Nick Clegg becomes heroin addict in last-ditch bid for media attention
Nick Clegg, reportedly leader of the Liberal Democrat party, announced in a press conference on Tuesday that he has now developed a full-blown addiction to Class A drugs as sign of his dedication to raising the profile of his party.
Clegg, who has struggled to gain the public recognition and popularity of his predecessors, and who is now being upstaged by the new ‘tough guy’ image of the Prime Minister, and even the pregnant wife of the Conservative leader, announced to a press conference held in a drugs den in Harlesden that his decision was a sign of the commitment he had to leading his party to power, and that Liberals should return to their constituencies and ‘prepare to be governed by a junkie strung out on shit, man.’
Posted: Mar 24th, 2010
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