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Richard III descendants left with massive overdue parking bill

coffin could be clamped until they pay upThe living relatives of Richard III, the last English king to perish in battle, are now faced with a bill of over £100,000 from Leicester City Council for a parking space the monarch occupied for well over five hundred years.

A spokesman for the council said: ‘We don’t care who you are; you can’t avoid Hawkeye Parking Enforcement sensors. Given that Richard arrived at the site about half a millennium before we installed the system, we didn’t clock him arriving, but we saw the whole exhumation thing. He’s been down there for ages. We are fully within our rights to issue parking fines retrospectively, even to those with alleged spinal disabilities.’

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Posted: Mar 22nd, 2015
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Lowly bank employee wins £7.7m double rollover jackpot

took the risk, reaped the rewardThe winner of this week’s lottery has been confirmed as Stephen Hester, a worker in a bank in London who usually likes to keep himself to himself.

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Posted: Mar 12th, 2015
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Brits triumph at the Corrupt Politician Awards

British stars were out in force at the Corrupt Politician Awards, held last night in a luxurious but secret overseas location at the UK taxpayers’ expense. Jack Straw and Malcolm Rifkind showed that British sleaze is still as strong as ever and were delighted to pick up the top prizes of lucrative contracts with companies that may or may not exist.

‘It makes you proud to be British’ said the BBC’s Nick Robinson, from beside the red carpet, where the M.P.s posed for photographs by putting their hands over their faces before going inside to be secretly filmed receiving their cash prizes. ‘Britain has shown it is a world force when it comes to dodgy politicians. It takes you back to the hey-day of British sleaze.’

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Posted: Feb 23rd, 2015
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Iraq persuaded to purchase extended warranty

Iraqi government persuaded to take out expensive extended warranty agreement in case anything went wrong when the Americans left.

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Posted: Feb 20th, 2015
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David Moyes declared tactical genius after fielding three adverts to confuse Liverpool defence

5816734Won it while the ads were still on

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Posted: Feb 7th, 2015
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