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Brits triumph at the Corrupt Politician Awards

British stars were out in force at the Corrupt Politician Awards, held last night in a luxurious but secret overseas location at the UK taxpayers’ expense. Jack Straw and Malcolm Rifkind showed that British sleaze is still as strong as ever and were delighted to pick up the top prizes of lucrative contracts with companies that may or may not exist.

‘It makes you proud to be British’ said the BBC’s Nick Robinson, from beside the red carpet, where the M.P.s posed for photographs by putting their hands over their faces before going inside to be secretly filmed receiving their cash prizes. ‘Britain has shown it is a world force when it comes to dodgy politicians. It takes you back to the hey-day of British sleaze.’

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Posted: Feb 23rd, 2015
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Iraq persuaded to purchase extended warranty

Iraqi government persuaded to take out expensive extended warranty agreement in case anything went wrong when the Americans left.

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Posted: Feb 20th, 2015
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David Moyes declared tactical genius after fielding three adverts to confuse Liverpool defence

5816734Won it while the ads were still on

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Posted: Feb 7th, 2015
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Catholic church split over ordination of women paedophiles

nothing even remotely phallocentric going on here‘It seems incredible that only male priests are entrusted with the responsibility of abusing the children in their care.’

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Posted: Jan 16th, 2015
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Astronomers discover new Earth-like planet where only nice things happen

seems like heavenThe Royal Astronomical society has today released data from scientists at the world’s largest telescopes revealing an earth-like planet in the Milky Way which appears devoid of any nasty goings on at all.

Lying only 42 light years away, the planet is neither too warm nor too cold and everything, everything about it, according to the data, is ‘just right’.

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Posted: Jan 11th, 2015
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