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Swan breaks child’s arm

A swan has broken the arm of 7-year-old Peter Blakerton, who had got too close to the bird despite being repeatedly warned about the potential consequences.

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Posted: Aug 21st, 2014
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Edinburgh festival made up ‘to make everyone else feel they’re missing out’

‘It was just a wheeze to get our own back on London.’

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Posted: Aug 16th, 2014
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‘Yes’ on Scottish independence ‘more likely’ as Boris Johnson heads for Parliament

Alex Salmond’s campaign for an independent Scotland was bolstered this week, as Mayor of London Boris Johnson announced he’ll be standing as MP in the 2015 general election, with his eyes set firmly on Number 10.

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Posted: Aug 8th, 2014
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Television news switched off in favour of barbecue

Something simply had to be doneBritish television viewers have decided to abandon their TV sets this weekend, thereby missing the important new stories of plane crashes, Gaza and the imminent outbreak of World War Three. Instead they are going to concentrate on getting the barbecue working and drinking Pimms in the back garden.

‘It seems like the right thing to do’ said Lily from Clapham, south London. ‘There are lots of people worrying about the state of the world right now, and I think the best contribution we can make is to have too much to drink on the patio and eat a lot of barbecued chicken wings. If we can get a bit of a sun tan at the same time then so much the better.’

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Posted: Jul 25th, 2014
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Cameron to give Satan ‘second chance’ as No.10 press secretary

important to have connectionsPrime Minister David Cameron has today denied accusations of poor judgement after confirming that he has appointed Satan, former overseer of hell, as his new director of communications in Downing Street.

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Posted: Jul 19th, 2014
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