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Malala ‘a saddo loser’ say British schoolkids

'she actually WANTS to go to school!'Schoolchildren up and down Britain are still struggling to come to terms with the acclaim accorded to Malala Yousafzai, a Pakistani school pupil and activist blogger who was shot in the head by the Taliban in 2011 for campaigning for girls’ education rights. They have unanimously agreed that her conduct is ‘well rank’ and that she should have been grateful not to have to sit through double Maths every Tuesday morning.

Malala’s courage and determination has earned her acclaim all over the world. Since her miraculous survival, she has been instrumental in the ratification of Pakistan’s first Right to Education Bill, was named one of Time Magazine’s ’100 Most Influential People in the World’ and was nominated for the 2013 Nobel Peace Prize among many other things. However, British teenagers have dismissed all this as ‘totally gay’.

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Posted: Dec 4th, 2013
More from Education



Oxbridge

Woman rescued from house after 20 years of ‘being taken for granted’

probably a cultPolice and charity workers have liberated a 47-year-old woman from a terraced house in the suburbs of London after being alerted to claims that she had been living there for over 20 years during which time she repeatedly had to cook, clean and iron with barely a word of thanks. A 52-year-old man, described by police as ‘a miserable git’, was arrested at the scene.

‘People think that domestic servitude is a thing of the past, but it isn’t so,’ said campaign leader Andrea Marsden. ‘Here, in 21st century Britain, something like this could still be going on in the street where you live. My case workers are already describing this as the worst case of serial insensitivity they have ever seen’.

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Posted: Nov 25th, 2013
More from UK News



Oxbridge

Al-Qaeda postpones terror campaign until end of Strictly and X-Factor

bombing Dusseldorf to wait until Anne's danced the rumbaAl-Qaeda is struggling to secure sufficient numbers of bombers during the current series of Strictly Come Dancing and X-Factor.

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Posted: Nov 25th, 2013
More from From The Archives



Oxbridge

Cuadrilla plans to frack Eric Pickles

workers will only stop for pie breaksWith the cost of policing protests at its test drilling site in Sussex spiralling out of control, energy firm Cuadrilla has decided to try Plan B. Starting next week, it will begin fracking for oil and gas in an equally large and equally immobile site, the Communities and Local Government Secretary Eric Pickles. There are some major logistical challenges to overcome, the firm admitted.

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Posted: Aug 23rd, 2013
More from Environment



Oxbridge

Mandela ‘determined to complete bucket list’

didn't get where he got to by giving upWhile the world has feared that South Africa’s revered former president, Nelson Mandela, may not have long to live, his aides remain unconcerned and insist there is no way he will be taken from us before he has finished every last item on the ‘bucket list’ he drew up in his final year in prison on Robben Island.

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Posted: Jul 29th, 2013
More from World News