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Chelsea accuse ball boy of ‘acting like a Chelsea player’

Chelsea’s interim manager, Rafa Benitez, has praised the talent of the ball boy who was kicked in the ribs by Eden Hazard, and complimented him for a fine display of ‘diving, time-wasting and simulating injury’ worthy of even the greatest Chelsea stars of the past.

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Posted: Jan 24th, 2013
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Perks

Speculation mounting that the ‘manner’ of Lance Armstrong’s confession was the medium of dance

Armstrong hoping to win this year's Tour des StudiosFollowing Oprah Winfrey’s admission that Lance Armstrong’s confession was ‘not in the manner she expected’, speculation is growing as to the way the disgraced cyclist admitted his cheating.

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Posted: Jan 15th, 2013
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Perks

Google start ‘real world’ target-based advertising

google bus stopInternet search and online advertising giant Google has decided to enter into the ‘real world’ market with targeted advertising on billboards and bus shelters. The digital displays utilises users’ mobile phone GPS and browsing history to display life-sized adverts that are user specific.

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Posted: Jan 12th, 2013
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Perks

UK’s first hand transplant welcomed by nation’s wankers

‘I can lose up to 60 hours a year sitting on my hand to make it numb and feel like someone else’s. A transplant will not only save time, but if I could have a woman’s hand I won’t need to paint my nails every time.’

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Posted: Jan 4th, 2013
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Perks

Premier league footballers corner market in Unicorn Sperm

The craze among top sportsmen for investing in equine-emission-based investment vehicles continued this week, as a consortium of Premier League footballers confirmed they have backed the building of the world’s first Unicorn Sperm Bank.

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Posted: Dec 16th, 2012
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