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Other stories by Qoxiivi

Kepler space telescope finally locates Alex Jones’s home planet

After years of intensive searching, prompted by growing numbers of people asking ‘what f*cking planet’ Alex Jones is from, NASA believes it has finally located the shock-jock’s native celestial body.

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Posted: Jun 11th, 2013
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Qoxiivi

Flintoff dropped by Jacamo after breaching terms of contract

‘It was not a decision we took lightly.’ said a spokesman for the clothing giant that’s made millions from clothing giants. ‘But he must have known it was coming, especially after last month’s photo shoot where his inability to sweat on cue was all anyone was talking about around the treacle cooler.’

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Posted: Dec 1st, 2012
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Qoxiivi

43,000 mile cab ride was ‘shortcut’ claims driver

‘We had suspicions that something was awry about six months into the journey; our concerns about the tuk tuks and elephants were blamed on ‘temp’ry roadworks in Russell Square’

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Posted: May 15th, 2012
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Qoxiivi

Government hails success of new scheme to get Prince Charles into work

An experimental new scheme to try and get some Prince Charles into useful employment has got off to an excellent start, claims David Cameron, after he successfully completed his first day’s placement at the Met Office.

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Posted: May 12th, 2012
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Qoxiivi

Barclays to sue over mis-sold protection against PPI claims

Bob Diamond, is furious. ‘I’ve seen the policy myself and disappointingly, if you actually read it, it grants us absolutely no license to fuck people over with impunity at all. That’s if you can read it – the print’s really small.’

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Posted: Apr 27th, 2012
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